Sermon

Mark 10:2-16

Good News for the Divorced

By Dr. Philip W. McLarty
When I first read the gospel lesson for today, my first inclination was to skip over it altogether and preach from another text.  At first blush, it would seem that Jesus comes down hard on those of us who’ve gone through a divorce.  “What’s the Good News in that?”

So, I wanted to opt for a more user-friendly passage.  But, then, that seemed like a copout.  Like it or not, divorce is a fact of life, both within the church and without.  Statistics vary, but most surveys put the divorce rate somewhere between 41% and 50% for first marriages and even higher for second and third marriages.

What surprised me is that the divorce rate is no different for couples who go to church on a regular basis.  The old adage is, “The family that prays together stays together.”  Well, at least statistically speaking, that’s not true.  According to the Barna Research Group – one of the most well-respected think tanks in the church, “Divorce rates among conservative Christians were significantly higher than for other faith groups, including atheists and agnostics.”  Barna goes on to say:

“While it may be alarming to discover
that born again Christians are more likely than others
to experience a divorce …
even  more disturbing  is that when those individuals experience a divorce
many of them feel their community of faith provides rejection
rather than support and healing.”

And this is doubly sad: If anyone needs to hear a word of encouragement and support, it’s those who are going through a divorce. You’d think it’d be something we talk about a lot, but it’s just the opposite: We seldom, if ever, talk openly about divorce, and, when we do, it’s usually negative.

And so, I decided to take the gospel lesson head-on and ask: What does this passage say about divorce?  What’s the Good News for those who are divorced?  The passage begins,

“Pharisees came to him (Jesus) testing him, and asked him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?'” (10:2)

It’s clear the Pharisees were up to something.  They weren’t seeking Jesus’ wisdom; they were looking for a way to entrap him.  What the text doesn’t say is that Herod Antipas was standing in the background.  He was the Roman governor over the Galilee, and the issue was he’d divorced his wife, Aretus, to marry Herodias, the wife of his brother, Herod Philip.  That had caused such a scandal that, when John the Baptist confronted Herod about it, he had him beheaded. (Mark 6:18-19)

So, here’s the trap: If Jesus said it was unlawful for a man to divorce his wife he might well join the ranks of John the Baptist.  On the other hand, if he said it’d be O.K. he’d contradict the teaching of the Torah and be subject to the charge of blasphemy.

Instead of falling into the trap, Jesus asked the Pharisees, “What did Moses command you?”  What does the Law say, in other words?  And they said, “Moses allowed a certificate of divorce to be written, and to divorce her.” This refers to Deuteronomy 24:1, where it says a man could divorce his wife if he found something objectionable about her.

“Something objectionable?!”  That could mean anything from adultery to a bad hair day.  And, in fact, William Barclay says,

“Human nature being as it is,  it was the laxer view which prevailed.  The result was that (in Jesus’ day) divorce for the most trivial reasons, or for no reason at all, was tragically common.” (DBS, Mark, p. 239)

And so, when the Pharisees tried to trick Jesus, he first responded by rubbing their noses into the Law of Moses and said, “For your hardness of heart, he (Moses) wrote you this commandment.”  Then he went back to Genesis and said,

“But from the beginning of the creation,
God made them male and female.
For this cause a man will leave his father and mother,
and will join to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh,
so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together,
let no man separate.”

(Mark 10:5-9; Genesis 2:24)

Jesus pointed back to God’s original intent, that marriage is a covenant relationship in which a man and woman come together as one and live out their life in mutual love and devotion to each other.

To reduce marriage to a matter of expediency – as the Jews did in Jesus’ day – where the wife was the property of the husband, with whom he could do whatever he pleased – was to distort the whole concept of what God intended.  And so, it’s easy to understand why he said what he did:

“Whoever divorces his wife, and marries another,
commits adultery against her.
If a woman herself divorces her husband, and marries another,
she commits adultery.”
(Mark 10:11-12)

If you’d been living in Jesus’ day, you would’ve probably said the same thing.  The question is: What does all this mean for us today?

First, it means that the covenant of marriage is still just as valid today as it was in the beginning of creation.

Ideally, when a man and a woman marry, they commit themselves to each other in such a way as to form an exclusive relationship of love and devotion and a new entity is born: The two become as one.

That’s not to say it’s easy.  Just try hammering out a simple contract.  It’s just about impossible to agree on all the details.  Throw in all the emotions that go into a meaningful love relationship, add all the ups and downs of everyday life, plus the complexity of child-rearing, careers and competing responsibilities to parents, church and community, and it’s little wonder anyone stays married.

In today’s high-paced and stress-filled world, it’s harder to have a healthy marriage than ever.  Yet, in spite of all the obstacles, God ordained the covenant of marriage for our benefit.  Ideally, we’re not to live alone, but in loving and committed relationships, and in an ideal world, there would be no such thing as divorce.  And that leads to my second point:

We don’t live in an ideal world.  We live in a fallen world in which human nature always comes up short of the glory of God.  That means, like it or not, divorce is a reality we simply have to live with.

The truth is sometimes, in spite of our best efforts, marriages fail.  There are any number of reasons why:

• One or the other – or both – prove to be unfaithful.  In spite of all the warnings, infidelity is still one of the leading causes of divorce.

• One or the other – or both – stop trying.  And, if you ever stop working at having a healthy marriage, it’ll soon wither and die.  Marriage is like a living organism that needs to be fed and nurtured and taken care of if it’s to stay healthy.

• One or the other – or both – is emotionally unstable.  Sometimes this can be treated, and sometimes it can’t.  A lot depends on the willingness of the one who’s sick.  Compulsive gambling, for example, can wreck an otherwise happy marriage.  So can alcoholism, chronic depression, bi-polar disorders, compulsive spending, credit card debt, drug abuse, pornography.  These are just some of the destructive forces in our world today that, left unchecked, can put a healthy marriage on the rocks.

There are many reasons why marriages fail and all of them, in one way or another, point to the reality of human nature.  Whether we’re too immature, or too self-centered, or too wrapped up in our work, or too undisciplined – and the list is endless – we never fully live in the image of God in which we’re created.  We always fall short.

And so, divorce is a reality we simply have to live with.  That’s the second point: If you’re not divorced, chances are someone you know and love is, or one day will be.  It’s not going to go away.  And that leads to my third point, which is what I hope you’ll take home with you today:

When divorce occurs, we need to be there with a word of encouragement and support, not criticism and shame.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone tell me that when they went through a divorce, the church was the last place they could turn for help and understanding.  And I’m not talking about people off the street; I’m talking about people who’d gone to Sunday School and church, played on the softball team, served on a committee, you name it.  They were as much of the family as anyone could be, yet, when their marriage came apart, they were on their own.

And that’s a shame because divorce is like a death, only it’s the death of a relationship instead of the death of a loved one; and in the wake of death we grieve, and when we grieve we need those around us to sympathize with us and console us, not chastise us.

In his commentary on the gospel lesson for today, Dick Donovan points out how Jesus had harsh words to say on a number of topics.  For example, he said,

“You have heard that it was said…
‘Whoever shall murder shall be in danger of the judgment.’
But I tell you, that everyone who is angry with his brother
without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.”

(Matthew 5:21-22)

What he said about divorce was no different than what he said about keeping the law, committing adultery, taking an oath and loving your enemies.   Yet Jesus didn’t condemn people for getting angry, or for not keeping their word, he forgave them.

And this is the Good News, not only for the divorced, but for us all: In the Christian faith, we’re always given another chance.  God’s last word is a word of forgiveness, and of love, and of grace.  And it’s seen best in the person of Jesus Christ who said,

“Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened
(under the burden of trying to be perfect),
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart;
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

(Matthew 11:28-30)

And, just in case you didn’t get it the first time around, listen up: If there’s anyone here today who’s laboring under the burden of guilt and shame because you’re divorced, leave that burden behind you.  Let God dispose of it, once and for all.  And if you’re still holding on to hurt and anger caused by a divorce, let go of that, as well.  You’ve carried it long enough, and it won’t do you any good to hold on to it any longer.

In Christ, all is forgiven; all things are new.  Let that be Good News for you this day and forevermore.  In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.  Amen.

Copyright 2006 Dr. Philip W. McLarty.  Used by permission.

Scripture quotations are from the World English Bible (WEB), a public domain (no copyright) modern English translation of the Holy Bible.